Many people think military brats have it all. That our parents have lots of money, and we get whatever we want or that we’re having the time of our lives traveling the world. While there are many, and I mean many good memories, there are also a lot of bad ones. For me, there is one memory that is always in the back of my mind. The day of my 9th birthday.
On day 5 of the blog-tember challenge we were given the topic, “What was your most memorable birthday”. I realize that most people are going to write about a happy or funny birthday. For me, birthdays are a happy day, but they haven’t been super-duper special to the point where I have all these stories to choose from, and I’m completely ok with that.
I don’t know why, but this day is engraved in my memory. Feeling alone on that birthday.
There are a few things you should know before I start. The first is that I’m an Introvert. I think a lot of what I was feeling that day ties back to that. Second is that my mom was a single mom in the Army. Third is that obviously, I was a child feeling childish things. I am grateful for everything my mom has done for me, but at that age, I only understood so much. I was also pretty self-fish.
Where to start…
At the time we were living on Ft. Stewart. It was My mom, my brother, and me. With the Unit that my mom was in, she would go to have to go to the field. I don’t remember how long she would be gone for, a few days, a few weeks. I just knew she was gone.
One of those times she left in October. My brother and my birthdays are in October. Mine is on the 13th, and my brother’s is on the 22nd. If you wanted to know, He’s older than me.
The thing that I remember this most about that day was that everyone was outside playing, but no one was playing with me. It’s my birthday, and no one wants to play with me! I felt sad. So I went and hid behind a telephone poll by myself. If no one was going to play with me, then I’m going to go and be alone.
I remember feeling sorrowful and alone. I wished that my mom was there. I was mad that she wasn’t. I felt like no one loved me. Most of all I felt like it was all my fault.
I believed that God was punishing me. I don’t know why or what I did, but I didn’t have any other explanation. I wondered if I was being punished for something I did in this life, a past life, or something I might do in the future. I wondered if my purpose on this earth was to suffer.
Eventually, someone did come over and asked me if I wanted to play. By that time I was already so far down that rabbit hole that it didn’t matter anymore. I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to die.
As I’m writing this and remembering these feelings, I realize that I was in a pretty dark place, but that’s another blog post all on its own. That also has more to do with religion than being a military brat, but I digress.
Later that day we did go out to eat. I was happy, but not as happy as I would have been if my mom was there. I missed her a lot. Whenever I miss her, I sing “You Are My Sunshine.” She always used to sing that.
This wasn’t the last birthday she missed, and it wasn’t the first. It’s just the one that I remember the most. Being a military brat isn’t always easy, and it’s not always hard. I have lots of good and bad memories. This was a bad one, though I hope to be sharing some good ones with you guys in the future.
What is your most memorable birthday?